It happens over and over again, and although I have taken DV (domestic violence) 101, it still ceases to amaze me. It shouldn't, I know. But, when a lady hits a dude, my minds has a hard time wrapping around it. Overwhelmingly so, the numbers paint a bloody picture over the face of women being pummeld, smacked around and pushed by men. The stats for the reverse are just as staggering. In 2001, violence against men accounted for only 15% of the total. That 103, 220 total incidents reported for violence of women against men. Women ringing in at 588, 490 total incidents. (see Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, February 2003).
But, the numbers don't translate for me. A chick doesn't hit a dude? Right? I mean, what kind of half-man takes that shit? Yes, that is some of the rhetoric floating around this noggin. But those words only get tossed around in this salad brain of mine until I remind myself that I have seen it happen in my own home. My dad, a man of the thickest moral fiber, was run over by my mother time and again. It wasn't isolated violent Law and Order moments. It graded, built up, and slowly, my mom let it out bit by bit, night by night, taking the form of mean words or grunting. He said it was her hormones. Or, maybe it was the money. Or, maybe he didn't have dinner ready for her when she came home. So, yes, kids, I know its a reality. And yes, it still weirds me out.
And frankly, I am not interested in fighting this fight. I don't want to write letters to a legislator, or protest on a college campus, or join fucking women studies. I just want to say that it's weird. And it's scary. And sometimes I still can't believe it continues in my own family, even though I've seen it time and again. You'd think my learning curve would be better.
1 comment:
I agree that woman-on-man violence is a mindfuck. I emabarassingly have seen many episodes of Cops. How often is the perp a male with a dirty tanktop (a.k.a. a "wifebeater")? There is at least one every episode. The idea that women get abused and that men are the abusers is standard. The idea then women can and do perpetrate abuse is foreign in America.
It must be connected to the misconceptions that sexual violence (rape) is about the phsical act of sex. Hence the misconceptions that "Women can't rape men" and "He wouldn't rape since he is attractive and could get sex anytime." We focus on the physical aspect of domestic violence, thinking She couldn't beat the shit out of him because he is big and buff and physically could and would prevent that. I wonder is there is a percentage of how much of an act of abuse is psychological. 100%? Nah. Is there a way to change a person's psychological response into NOT beating the crap out of loved ones?
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